My husband was very upset. What do you think of the trip? Sometimes there is no choice due to your family circumstances or mutual agreement, but this is not one of them. Thats what I was thinking. Flights and hotels are cheap, because of the focus on tourists everything is really convenient for travelers, the food is good, there are great conference facilities. as an excuse for his angst. Marriage counseling is good for her so she can express her love for me without sounding like a hypochondriac. Especially when those demands result in diminished opportunities. Im glad you left that loser. Marriage counseling implies that she has some part to play in this; individual therapy for him would help him manage his expectations of realistic safe behavior in a marriage and at work. And Id highly recommend that book to the OP, so she can try to tease out for herself whether shes just got an insecure, underemployed husband, or one whos using jealousy as a control mechanism, at least in part so that he may remain comfortably underemployed. However, the husband is being ridiculous. The base issues came out to be general worrying about me travelling by myself (tons of catastrophic what if scenarios) and FOMO (shes having such a great time without me). Kj will notice if you dont come home one night.. Without any business context then yeah, lots of people would object to that. No amount of marriage counseling will fix controlling. Right? If you have time to arrange a therapist, try to meet with several and then pick the one that is the best fit. *Now having said all that, I 100% agree that the husband is over-reacting*. Ahh, I was wondering where he found all these friends. I think on a more general level Spouse doesnt want me to go *can* be an actual, non-abusive thing, in certain circumstances (new baby at home for example, or a health crisis or other emergency where Hey, is there ANY way you can get out of this trip? might be a reasonable thing to ask. Gamboling is a type of frolicking around without a care in the world. My bf and I traveled for work constantly. OP, I really hesitate to use the word abuse when it comes to anyone elses relationship, but this post is giving me bad flash backs to a boyfriend who did this kind of thing to me all the time and I now know that it was psychological, emotional abuse and manipulation. (Somehow I did survive!). A three day annual business trip to any location is not an unreasonable expectation. Yes. Its not just irrational, it doesnt even make sense from the control freak point of view. Its also fascinating, because it makes me wonder about his friends. Her explanation was that she knew that the sun set around 4:15ish at that time of year and it was dark outside, therefore I should be inside. I suppose, trying to be as charitable as possible, I would agree that Vegas has kind of a skeezy reputation and I would prefer a reputable company to do the trip somewhere more wholesome. If he was just bummed to be at home alone while shes gone, or something. That I was RIGHT! I would bet money he didnt tell everyone else the same story he told me. Hang up the phone, turn it off, walk out of the room, leave the house and walk the dog or go for a drive, stop and get yourself a meal out somewhere. Except he took a poll of his mom. If its phrased as Wife wants to go to Vegas without me for 3 days but go with a bunch of random guys Ive never met before!. And hiking! He may make it seem like you are choosing your career over your marriage, which of course causes you to feel guilty, but as my good friend said recently youre not choosing your career over him, youre choosing yourself over him. Im trying to take that advice to heart OP, hope you can too! Many of my colleagues bring their spouse on conferences as a mini vacay for the fun of exploring new cities. A reader writes: My company sent managers to Las Vegas last February for a corporate business trip for three days. Get that man into counseling, pronto. My husband has been in counseling and on medication for his mental health. I dont even know what city he is in sometimes just because he will tell me about five trips at once and I cannot remember which is what week. Its not legal in Las Vegas, although theres probably a lot of escort services, youre probably thinking of Reno, where they have legal brothels that have to follow a ton of regulations. And there, the answer is clear: you have to go. Yes, but trailer park crimes are good, upstanding crimes like cooking meth and domestic violence, and obviously those crimes are less dangerous to bystanders than being attacked by a sex criminal just for walking down the street. Of course, it also relates to what the right wing media say, and its super-hard to tackle. I suspect this has less to to with irrational fears of the big, bad world, and more to do with an outdated, sexist view of the man being in charge of his woman. I have informed him and he hasnt taken it very well. Seriously. Absolutely OP should seek out couples counseling, but if the husbands concerns are a reflection or enhancement of their religion or culture, just be really careful in vetting the counselor/therapist they choose to work with. He had experienced previous panic attacks on flights, hated the "cattle type" travel experience, and at 6'2+ was uncomfortable in the tiny airplane seats. At work? Its adult Disneyland with spendy big-name restaurants, booze and slot machines, at this point. Im familiar with the kind of irrational worst case scenario anxiety youre talking about. Obviously were just two strangers on the internet, so you can take that data point for whatever its worth. The conference hall manager looked at my colleaguewho requested a kosher meallike they were crazy. They have PUDDING, OP. The Truth About Taking Separate Vacations. Yes, they pay for his airfare and, if necessary, the difference in the hotel room rate and they dont spend that much time together, but they spend *some* time together and are at least getting to see each other for some part of the day.). Yeah theres a mosque and an Islamic centre, but Ive been into both for visit my mosque day and the imam was happy to talk to me (a white non-religious woman) and everyone was very nice and gave us snacks, so yeah. I cant speak for anyone but IMHO a little travel, twice a year or so is fine and take your spouse if you can but this several overnights monthly is not what I signed up for. Since its the church he was raised in, she feels like his judgement rules on that. Right. That is your priority as a mother. Him: I ignored it. Usually these things build up over time and abusive relationships (even if not intentionally abusive even if the partner really does have anxiety or whatever and is not TRYING to be controlling!) In a healthy marriage, there is no spouse v. spouse, and theres room for career, hobbies, friends, etc. update: how can I turn down training requests from my clients? Could also be a mix of the two, or something nobody has thought of yet. Take the same approach; its a problem affecting you both that you both want to fix. And to his credit, he cut it out. Youve put your finger on one of the things bugging me most about this: the idea that the LW has no agency. You would have to go out of your way to find a casino, a lavish bar with topless entertainment, or an escort service. I love it when my husband goes camping with the guys. Ive never been on these more dangerous trips, though I almost had to travel to Congo last year (it ended up falling through). After the day ended and we would go out to dinner, he would tell her that he was sure our company wouldnt approve of us going out to dinner on their dime. (Wed been given stipends and told to enjoy a cocktail after the eight-hour training). Leave your phone on silent. Its not just a place to go party. Your post will be hidden and deleted by moderators. And the issue was never me, or our marriage or anything like that, it was entirely a him problem, his anxiety and fear due to an accident we had Christmas eve one year. It makes me uneasy and I dont want to let her go. Vegas! Do I refuse to go to save my marriage or go on the trip and try to keep good stance in my company? You can get really great meals there. If you stay around the main touristy areas especially on the Strip there is security EVERYWHERE. But thats true everywhere, and you can easily avoid said trouble by, you know, not doing something stupid. Hey, if they didnt want me to take 2 Jacuzzi baths a day they shouldnt have put a TV in there! I also am a pretty straight laced married woman whos been in the same committed relationship for two decades and most of those trips were without my partner. Weve been a few times on holiday and love it the shopping, the food we dont even bother with the gambling. Thanks! I travel for work a lot, and quite often to Vegas people have conventions and meetings in Vegas because (1) the attendees generally like it and (2) there are a lot of hotels and meeting space. Just my two cents. They plan conferences there because its generally inexpensive, tons of rooms and restaurants, and its extremely easy to get aroundno real need for ground transportation besides getting to and from the airport. There is an incredible amount of stuff to do and fun to be had in Vegas without doing a single sinful thing, even if you WERE there for just a vacation and not a work trip. We are often there and then take the metro across town to the apartment where we stay at midnight. I was bottle feeding at the time and would simply feed as my SO drove as well as changed diapers at either gas stops or just quickly in the car versus making 30-45 min stops. Also made me think about the impact TV can have on our beliefs about the world. My husband gets nervous whether Im traveling for business or just about town (granted, Im not the best driver). ), but accommodating him a bit on that is reasonable, in my book and most importantly, has zero to do with his feeling ownership of me or thinking his wishes trump my work demands, and more to do with just wanting to be sure Im safe. Agree that you should go to counseling by yourself if he wont go. I have family in Henderson and go there every February to escape the snow. If OP and her husband are from perhaps a small conservative town and the husband has never been, theres a slim chance that hes reacting to this reputation. Eh, sex work is legitimate work. Marriage counseling is fine, but this sounds like HIS problem, and I think he needs to work on that himself if youre going to get anywhere. I tell him that if he was in my shoes, I would be supportive. Sin City. I have anxiety disorder and I do worry excessively (one time to the point of a panic attack) when my husband travels for work, but thats on me to manage. Just stayed at a swanky suite in the Venetian with a view of the strip for $140/night. The country really isnt so homogeneous on this kind of experience that you have to seek out people to agree with you on this no matter where you live. She should set a boundary around this type of thing because it gets out of hand. Walking to work? Certainly do not risk your career by bailing on this completely reasonable work trip. You cant change his feelings and reactions, you can only control your own. Once when I ended things with a guy Id been dating, he called me a few days later and said hed taken a poll of his friends and they all agreed I didnt have real cause to break up with him so we should resume things. What if he dies? Nikada / iStock. I hope you go to Vegas and find love with someone who doesnt treat you like property. There are times when I feel safer in Vegas than I do my own city. of course im very careful around others who drink and make it a point to be responsible and not get carried away, kwim? Hes been working through them and he was much better during my last work trip. But I did find pictures of her with male strippers so yeah Im nervous shes younger and hasnt traveled like I have the world can be dangerous. And it ignores other possible explanations. See some shows, enjoy some good food, go on a nice hike. She is not the nicest mother in law, either. Hes not thinking logically already, so adding logic isnt going to change his mind. No. I do think some commenters above have some good thoughts on why this might require individual counseling (in addition to or instead of couples counseling), but it sounds like youre pursuing both, which is great. Whatever the cause, a therapist will best equipped to help. He easily sleeps 4 hours. I think theres sometimes a tendency in certain corners of the internet to equate I have to talk to my partner about X before I can do it or My partner doesnt want me to do Y with OMG controlling relationship!, when there are lots of circumstances where that kind of thing is totally reasonable. We have friend who live in a neighborhood of Paris which Fox news publicized as a no go zone because of all those Muslims and Sharia Law and such. Ill be honest, my first thought was not anxiety, but control and maybe future abuse. Except I divorced mine. LWs spouse is overreacting for sure. When all youre seeing is airports, shuttle buses, the hotel, and a conference room, everything kind of looks the same. So its not like its all new. A year? Your absence is the absence of any possible reward for his behaviour. Yes, we were taking advantage of the fact that 19/20 year olds can go to the pub in the UK, but we were still hanging out with the professor while we did so.